White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
