I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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