I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
