Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
