He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
