oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
