TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize