i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
