sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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