I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
