If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
