Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
