Tell her she can't have a vagina
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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