He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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