ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
