At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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