you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
