but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize