I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
