It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
