i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
