she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
