I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
