If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
soo... how was my night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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