If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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