No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
