I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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