I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
