Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
