plz talk dirty to me
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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