My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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