I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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