ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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