they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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