im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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