bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
