I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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