Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
