Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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