Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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