oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
