Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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