Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
