yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize