Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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