So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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