K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
