I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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