then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
