I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
