Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
