I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
