oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
