I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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