Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
