there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
