I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
