Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
