I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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