I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
