in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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