So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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