he thought i was a dude.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
