We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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