i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
