Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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