my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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