we have pet lesbian snakes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
worst night to have a conscience
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
