i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
